dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
