apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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