I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
its not stalking. its research.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
