Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize