Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
