True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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