I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
