I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
