She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
