You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i think my tv is drunk
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
