I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize