I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
