everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just want nice things and good sex
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
