eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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