I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
