I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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