I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize