wat bout pragnant strippers??
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
