But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
