i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
