She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
