Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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