If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My bed smells like the plague
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
