Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
