Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
