i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he thought i was a dude.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
