Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
