I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
