They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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