The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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