I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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