Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
