I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize