things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
