When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize