May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
