Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
