will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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