there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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