While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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