Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize