a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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