Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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