p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
