just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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