Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
