I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
