apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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