I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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