...so i touched it.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize