he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
