dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
