4 words: hood of his car
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
