Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
