Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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