Whod you bang
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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