Got a toothbrush?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize