franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
