White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
