Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
We need to rekindle our bromance
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
