drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
