her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize