I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize