im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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