Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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