And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
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