we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
