I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
