I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
