and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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