A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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