He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
