Non-Jews are for practice
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Still dying that you shit outside
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
