Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I am one with the molecules
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
