She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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