I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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