dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
